Consent and Sovereignty: Understanding the Difference Between Choice and Exploitation

I write many informative posts and articles about massage therapy including topics that relate to it. This article is meant to help decipher the difference between coercion and sovereign consent.

Through my work in massage and healing, I’ve seen how important it is to talk about consent, permission, and boundaries. These themes come up often in my work. I see that many people struggle with establishing boundaries, whether it is saying no, asking for what they need, or recognizing when someone else is crossing a line. For me, this goes beyond theory; it's something I observe with people daily.

That is why I wanted to write a little something about consent and how it shows up in different areas of everyday life. Consent looks different in massage therapy, in kink, in energy work, and in the extreme absence of consent we see in human trafficking. Talking openly about these differences matters, because awareness protects us and can even save lives. This article is meant to help decipher the difference between coercion and sovereign consent. It serves as a reminder that many of us are fortunate to have the freedom to choose, while others do not have this privilege.

If you don’t have consent, and you don’t establish boundaries, harm can occur. This may present in relationships, at work, in family dynamics, or within communities. By contrast, victims of human trafficking have no choices at all. They are denied the most basic form of sovereignty. Recognizing this difference is important for everyone.

Awareness is self-power. If someone comes across this piece and it helps them identify unhealthy patterns, it might empower them to distance themselves from coercion or abuse. Whether it is a toxic relationship, an unbalanced dynamic, or something as devastating as trafficking, awareness matters in all communities.

Consent protects sovereignty, which is each person’s right to control their own body, mind, and energy.

Consent in Everyday Life

Consent is more than a yes or a no. It is the ability to make informed choices about your body, your energy, and your boundaries. It also means you have the freedom to change your mind at any time.

Everyday examples of consent are often simple. It might be deciding what foods you like, who you spend your time with, or how much physical contact you are comfortable with. When people respect consent, trust is built. When they ignore or override it through pressure or manipulation, harm occurs. Consent protects sovereignty, which is each person’s right to control their own body, mind, and energy.

Consent is given from client to therapist to work on them.

Massage Therapy and Energetic Consent

In massage therapy, consent is clear, mutual, and structured. Clients are informed about what to expect, encouraged to set boundaries, and free to stop the session at any time. As a practitioner, I also hold space for the energetic side of the work. There is always an exchange that entails my attention, focus, and intention as the therapist, and the client’s willingness to receive and trust. This mutual respect of boundaries and energy creates an environment where their own healing can happen.

General Energy Dynamics in Energy Work

Energy work, such as Reiki, is also built on consent. A practitioner never imposes or takes energy. Sessions are guided by mutual awareness, clear intention, respect for energetic boundaries, and ongoing communication. Clients are encouraged to speak up about how they feel, which keeps the exchange healthy and safe. When these principles are honored, energy work becomes a supportive and restorative experience rather than an invasive one.

Beyond the physical side of kink, there are energetic dynamics at play: vulnerability, power exchange, and trust.

Kink and Energetic Dynamics

Consent is equally foundational in the kink community. Before any activity, partners negotiate, agree on limits, and establish safe words.

Beyond the physical side of kink, there are energetic dynamics at play: vulnerability, power exchange, and trust. These dynamics can be intense, but they are consensual because boundaries are clear, intentions are discussed, and aftercare ensures emotional balance. A scene without these agreements is not safe and not consensual.

Human Trafficking: The Absence of Consent

Human trafficking is the direct opposite of everything discussed above. Victims are coerced, manipulated, or forced into labor or sex. They cannot say no, they cannot leave, and their physical and energetic sovereignty is taken from them. Unlike massage, kink, or energy work, there is no mutual exchange. Exploiters strip away choice, safety, and dignity. What remains is exploitation and violation.

Other forms of violations of Consent

Trauma Feeding vs. Venting

Another important concept is trauma feeding. Trauma feeding occurs when someone unconsciously or deliberately draws emotional, psychological, or energetic resources from another person to manage unresolved trauma. It leaves the other person depleted or drained. Trauma feeding is very different from venting. Venting is when someone expresses feelings or frustrations in a conscious, temporary way within mutually understood boundaries. Healthy venting does not take energy from others, whereas trauma feeding does. Recognizing this distinction helps maintain healthy energetic boundaries and prevents confusion.

Energy vampirism happens when someone continually drains another person’s emotional, mental, or energetic resources without awareness or permission.

Eroticized Trauma Exploitation

While trauma feeding involves unconsciously drawing energy from others, there are also predatory behaviors where trauma is deliberately exploited. One example is eroticized trauma exploitation, where someone seeks out another person’s traumatic experiences and turns them into a source of sexual gratification. This is not supportive, healing, or consensual. It is manipulative, abusive, and constitutes a violation of energy exchange. Unlike healthy venting or mutual sharing, eroticized trauma exploitation crosses boundaries and uses vulnerability as a means of control or pleasure.

Energy Vampirism and Consent

Energy vampirism happens when someone continually drains another person’s emotional, mental, or energetic resources without awareness or permission. Unlike healthy, mutual exchanges that leave both people balanced, energy vampirism leaves one person depleted while the other takes without giving back. It is an inequal energy exchange. Consent is the key difference. In supportive relationships or energy practices, both people agree to the exchange and respect each other’s boundaries. Without consent, it shifts from connection into violation of one's sovereign energy.

Trauma Bonding and Consent

Trauma bonding occurs when an individual forms an unhealthy attachment to someone who harms them, often through cycles of abuse mixed with moments of affection or care. This dynamic creates confusion and dependency, making it difficult for the victim to recognize or leave the abusive situation. While it may feel like consent is being given, true consent cannot exist within coercion, manipulation, or fear. Trauma bonding strips away sovereignty by blurring the line between choice and survival, showing how vital it is to understand the difference between real consent and coerced compliance.

Example: Imagine a partner who belittles, controls, or even physically harms someone, but follows those incidents with apologies, gifts, or love-bombing. The survivor may cling to the positive moments and minimize the abuse, believing they are choosing to stay. In reality, their ability to give sovereign consent is compromised because the relationship dynamic is rooted in manipulation and fear. The same can happen in certain unhealthy dom/sub relationships or even family structures, where dependence and control override true choice.

As a trauma-informed massage therapist, I see the importance of consent and boundaries every day. Understanding consent and sovereignty protects people in all areas of life: daily interactions, professional care, intimate relationships, and energy work. It also helps us see clearly the devastating harm that happens when consent is stripped away, as in human trafficking.

Consent is not just about choice. It is about freedom, respect, and sovereignty.

Recognize your own boundaries and honor them. Respect the boundaries of others. Talk about consent openly in your communities, even when it feels uncomfortable. And if you suspect someone may be a victim of human trafficking or exploitation, reach out to trusted organizations such as the National Human Trafficking Hotline (1-888-373-7888 in the U.S.).

Consent is not just about choice. It is about freedom, respect, and sovereignty. Protecting it in ourselves and honoring it in others is how we create safer, healthier, and more empowered communities.

Written by Suzan Walker, LMT Connective Integration Massage Therapy

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